Today I want to give you all an update on how my weight loss journey is going, it’s been over a year since I began this journey and though in the first 9 months I saw weight gain and stability I’m finally seeing the results.
For new readers let me give you some history, I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 19. Not only does it increase my chances of infertility, it’s to blame for my increased testosterone, excess body hair and inability to lose weight.
I tried everything, I went vegetarian for a month and saw no results. I tried intermittent fasting but was met with feelings of low energy and an inability to focus on the tasks at hand (my masters degree at that point). I went on 5k walks daily and worked out twice a day for 45 minutes at least. I pushed my body to the limit time and time again for little to no reward. I started seeing exercise as a chore which needed to be done daily and counting each and every calorie to stop myself from reaching over 1300.
I became miserable and after feeling faint on and off for weeks I began to let myself live, I stopped forcing myself and decided upping my exercise casually and allowing myself to be treated occasionally was the only way to lose weight without costing myself dearly. I saw the numbers on the scales go up and my body confidence decreased simultaneously.
I moved to Dundee and for the first month or so the sheer busy state of my schedule left me eating ‘sh*t’ food and always on the go. I began drinking alcohol again, not regularly but I saw the liquid calories begin to make a difference once again. My schedule since moving to Dundee has been grueling and in many ways I’m to blame for stretching myself too thin but I struggled to keep up with wanting to better myself whilst completing my masters and at one point working two jobs.
In July I began taking metformin, a drug often given to diabetes patients which is a slow-acting fat burner (or at least that’s what it was sold to me as). I take it twice a day (apart from the small minority of days I have forgotten to take the second tablet) with food alongside my acne pills. I was told that whilst I’ll see results it’s be very slow and I shouldn’t get my hopes up.
So to update you all I’ve lost 12 kilos. TWELVE KILOS. I’m so lucky I’ve had this opportunity, and I owe a lot of it to the medicine. I’ve upped my activity and I walk more places than ever before, but my appetite has halved and with my busy schedule I’ve barely had the time to eat or cook large meals anyway. To lose 12 kilos in the space of 6 months (8 of which have been lost in the past 4 months – since beginning metformin) was far more than I ever expected and even with my body dysmorphia I’m seeing the fruits of my labour.
I’m still a long way from my goal weight, and I know that for my dream figure I will have to up my exercise, especially strength and weight training.
I started writing this post weeks ago, I never finished writing it and as the weeks have gone on I’ve just edited the weight. I want to be honest with you all now, losing weight hasn’t increased my happiness. I don’t feel better or happier now that I’ve hit my 3rd weight goal. Mentally I’m still the fat girl I was in December 2020. I still view my body the same and I struggle to adapt when buying clothes as my eyes deceive the reality of my body size. I hope this changes but if anything this journey has taught me that losing weight isn’t just a physical battle but a mental one also.
As time goes on I hope to update you all more, I need time to work on how I view myself – both my body and my mind because I’d unknowingly built it up in my mind that weight loss would cure my depression and that was false hope.
In other news I am hoping to find more time and motivation to write, I’ve been struggling mentally and I feel like I need this portal to vent and get all my pent up feelings out. More content coming as soon as I can I promise!
See you all soon x