December

Heyyyy

It’s a bit late again, I’ve been so busy as most people are around December, but it’s been such a good month I can’t wait to update you all. It is also the last month of 2020, which is incredible- I am so excited for it to be over. 

This month has been about Christmas, which coincidentally is my favourite time of the year. My anxiety does usually heighten, and seasonal depression does hit HARD however, I love Christmas food and I love the family time. This year has been a bit more difficult as since moving to Carlisle I’ve been desperate to see my bestfriends and tier 4 has made that incredibly difficult to do so, other than for a walk of course. I go back to Carlisle in a week and I’ve seen one friend for about an hour, and it truly isn’t helping my mental health. It’s not their faults, or mine, just life isn’t working at the moment. 

University – I got my first grade back and despite having a breakdown as I assumed, I’d failed I did really well. It’s a miracle. I’ve just finalised my dissertation topic too which I’m so excited to write. Group projects are often difficult and there was slight friction which led to some anxiety-fuelled breakdowns as I blamed myself for everything that happens. I wasn’t to blame and I’m still not, but I can’t help myself from overthinking everything that happens. I’ve been smashing through my PhD proposal also, and it’s incredible to think that in less than a year I’ll be beginning something I’ve spent my whole life waiting for. 

Family – I’ve gotten to spend so much time with my family recently and it’s been incredible. Though my sister drives me insane, it’s so nice to spend some time together. I’m definitely grateful to have this time together, more than ever this year has been so important to be grateful for not only what was under the tree but the people around. I wanted to be away on the island but for the safety of both us and family I’m happy to wait till it’s safe enough to do so. 

Diet – I’ve lost some weight. I’ve also probably put it back on over Christmas. I’ve made some plans for losing weight in the New Years and truly I’m going to stick to them because I’m ready to lose it again. I’ve got some big challenges ahead and 2021 will be the year for me, I promise myself that. Even if my mental health flares again I’m working on myself this upcoming year. 

Friends – as aforementioned I miss my friends a lot. They know I love them though, and I’m grateful for them always. It’s also nice as I celebrate Christmas a day early and when my friends wish me early, I just get these insane amounts of love and I can’t explain it in other ways. They truly are incredible people. 

Health – I’ve finally got a cream for my spots but as they are stress spots, I don’t see them fully going anytime soon. I had a terrible allergic reaction yesterday and I’m still confused as to what it was, but we’ll work it out. I’m still due a period as well, I don’t know when it will come to be completely honest. It’s been a few months but I’ve only had 3 periods this month so it’s nothing uncommon. 

Miscellaneous – I’m starting my volunteering in January and I’m so excited, this is so different to what I’ve ever done. It’s been so difficult finding something that makes me feel complete, I really feel like I can get so much out of this whilst helping someone else. I’ve dyed my hair blue too so that’s fun, I’ve really been enjoying all the colours and I’m ready now after this to go back to a natural brown and maybe get another piercing- sorry mum. 

2021 begins in 3-ish days, 2021 is about a fresh start. I’ve been so lucky that in a year where completely horrific things could’ve happened; I still had a half decent year. I worked out my future and it has been over a month since my last therapy session and I’ve been doing alright even without. I can’t wait to share the progress I’ve made even if it is slow progress. I visited Dundee and I can genuinely say that I’ve made the completely correct decision for my future, this is my future. I’ll be 22 by the time my January recap comes out and this year I’ll be celebrating my birthday in a completely different way. It’ll be difficult but I need to get prepared and used to being alone. 

Thank you for the support. I love you all.