Regret

Heyyy

Regret, where would we be without regret. It’s natural to regret things. I’d like to sit and say I don’t have regrets because if things hadn’t happened the way they did I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. The following is a list of my regrets, some are petty, and some are important ones:

• Starving myself. I messed my body up. I can’t help craving that body back though. 
• Trying to fit in. Not everyone in life has liked me, there’s actually more people who hate me than like me. I’m okay with that, I am myself and that’s all I can be. 
• Not checking in on my friends. I was 15. I didn’t know how hard it would hurt. 
• Staying in relationships even if they were toxic. I wouldn’t have the commitment problems now had I’d just stayed single.
• Not studying. I don’t exist for some letters on a page but they sure as hell do help my existence.
• Downloading tinder. My life would’ve been easier had I not been on that terrible app. 
• Getting fat. I know I’m not fat. But I also know I’m not skinny. I miss my flat stomach but finding the motivation is difficult. 
• Not answering the phone in November 2018. I will always regret that. 
• Not following up with medical things out of fear, it got worse. I had to deal with it alone. 
• Not putting my all into my degree. I would’ve got higher, but I took for granted I’d have time to make up my bad work. 
• Letting my anxiety heighten, I don’t know how it happened but I’m sure I would’ve been able to slow it had I actually noticed it. 
• A lot of drunk nights, I regret some of the decisions I made. They are sometimes still difficult to think about; it’s not good. 
• Letting my problem with alcohol escalate to the level it was at, there were better ways to be dealing with it that I didn’t. 
• Not spending as much time as possible with my family, making excuses and wasting time with them. 
• Spending money as if I’m never going to run out, I’ve always been the type to spend as I’d rather make memories than stay in doing nothing, but I should probably slow down on how much I’m spending. 
• Waiting for so long before getting my second piercings, I love them now and I regret waiting as long as I did. 
• Staying friends with people, I had a lot of toxic friendships growing up and it was only after isolating myself that I realised the truth and how I was being stalled by them. 

The thing is I can probably muster up another hundred regrets, I have countless of them which is ridiculous in my opinion. But the honest truth is I wouldn’t change these regrets, I doubt if I was in the situations again with no knowledge of the outcome, I’d react any different to how I did. 

We can spend our whole lives conjuring up lists of regret and living in the past and it’ll get us nowhere. Whilst I have regrets I choose not to, I don’t live thinking I could’ve done something differently or I wish it’d turned out a different way because it didn’t and the more you hold on to this fantasy the more consumed you become which does no good to your mental well-being.

Anyway, I’d like to just follow up saying that writing everyday for a week is difficult. I keep forgetting and having to conjure something up last minute also which isn’t helpful but I hope you enjoy this.

Thank youuuu